Things have been busy, that's how I cope. Stay busy. Keeping a versatile and entertaining social calendar is easy to do when one has an amazing group of friends old and new. A new hobby perhaps? This will keep the mind engaged and obsessed as well. Vacation with the husband? Weekend getaways? These are all part of the master plan to achieve the cookie cutter lifestyle, the ultimate level of suburban happiness.
Then why isn't it enough? WHEN is it enough? Does the satiated, content feeling ever come? Or is this the hedonic treadmill? Always wanting more. More work, more promotions, more responsibility, more love, more time off, more, more, more...
Motivation isn't a bad thing, it generally equals a result of some sort and results well, they earn rewards. It's downright Pavlovian. We might as well start stimulating my saliva glands right now...yep, I can already hear the bell.
Playing in the waves last weekend reminded me of what is important, and I miss him. All these "things" are trivial, but they become necessities. These wants, these "ducks" of every shape and color are how we cope with the empty space that something important leaves behind. We pump up the incline on that treadmill and hit "Go!", move forward with driven velocity. Set goals, achieve them...and do it again, and again, and again.
So, I envision myself standing on one end of a football field and as I look to the goal post at the other end I can't see it, instead before me is an infinite sea of ducks. I stand there in my warm-ups and sports visor holding the megaphone to my lips eternally yelling "GET IN LINE DUCKS!!!". Then I see him smile his knowing smile, because he knows that eventually I'll reach the other goal post and that's all he ever wanted for me...even if it is one duck at a time.
